Broken Inside
by emergencyxx
Summary: She's living in a world of sex, drugs, depression, self harm, and more just trying to survive the situations shes in. There's only one person who can save her from this life...and from herself. Can he? Loe. RATING WILL CHANGE IF NEEDED.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** She's living in a world of sex, drugs, depression, self harm, and more just trying to get by. There's only one person who can save her from this life...and from herself. Can he? Loe.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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I'm standing alone tonight on the corner of creepiness and nowhere. If it weren't for the pretty orange and brown leaves on the trees rustling I wouldn't have noticed it was chilly outside; I'm numb to all feeling. I sigh. I don't know how long I've been standing here, but it feels like forever.

I take a drag of my cigarette and flick the glowing embers to the concrete beneath my feet. I really do smoke too much; my mouth is an ashtray, a cancer trip waiting to happen. It makes me wonder if someone was to kiss me, deep and passionate not sloppy and rough like _he_ always does, would they catch the awful sickness. No, that can't happen…can it?

My thoughts are interrupted by the screeching of tires hitting cement. A red, beautiful mustang pulled up next to me. The driver's tinted window rolled down slowly. Ugh. I really do hate seeing him.

"My, my, my…someone's looking very hot tonight," he says. I watch his eyes roam my body. I know what he's thinking. He disgusts me.

"Hello to you too Blake," I mutter as I walk to the passengers side of his car and get in. As soon as I shut the car door, I'm drowned in his sickeningly sweet scent and the lights instantly burn my eyes for I had been standing out in the dark for at least an hour and a half. I get a better look at him though. His brown, messy hair; his bright blue eyes; he's wearing a black sleeveless shirt that's way too tight on his muscles to stand, and red basketball shorts. I shiver. How could someone so disgusting be so gorgeous?

He must have noticed my unwanted twitch and my staring because he had a grin; THE grin. Any part of me that was turned on was now turned off. My stomach lurched. "Ready," he asks me in an almost whisper. I silently nod. What else could I say?

We drove off into the night. I would've liked nothing more than for it to remain silent, but nothing with Blake Goodman can ever be quiet, and I mean nothing. Gag. He is the first to speak. "Are you ready for tonight's activities? I think you'll really like them." I know he has his world famous smile plastered on his face, the smile 99.9 of girls would die for, and I'm not even looking at him.

"Mhm," is my only answer, I don't move my lips or anything. He senses my attitude towards him.

"Someone's snippy, what's your beef?" He asks me. He's such the gentleman, hah. I roll my eyes in the darkness. "Nothing." We both know that's a lie, I think he somehow knows it better than I do, and that scares me. He removes one hand from the steering wheel and places the other on my thigh, high up on my thigh. I try my hardest not to shudder, and I fail miserably. As much as I despise the man sitting next to me, his touch drives me wild. And he knows it. I can basically feel his smile widen.

The rest of the car ride went the same; pointless small talk while he gently ran his fingers up and down my leg. I can't say it enough; I _hate_ what he can do to me. We finally reached our destination, a small motel in the outskirts of Malibu somewhere, room 23. Much to my demise, my nose wrinkled in disappointment; hadn't he hinted something would be different tonight? Looked like the same old-same old to me…

He unlocked the door to the cheap motel room and held the door open for me, so I entered and he followed right behind me. He threw a black bag he'd been carrying down onto the small table in the corner as I lit a cigarette.

"Smoking's bad for you Truscott," he said, flashing his perfect teeth. I glared at him, "Hypocrite." He laughed his perfect laugh. I tried my best to ignore how perfect he was, and blew a _perfect_ smoke ring, hah, that made me smile.

"What?" he asked me, noticing my grin. I shrugged, "nothing." He frowned and said, "Why aren't you talkative tonight babe?" I hate when he calls me babe, like I mean something to him. I shrugged again, and took another drag of my cig.

He pulled it out of my mouth and placed a kiss on my lips. "Well, whatever it is, I'm sure I can fix it." Try make it worse, maybe he could fix it for a half hour at most, but as soon as we step out of this crappy motel room my life will be worse; even more worse than it already is, and it happens every time.

I put the stick back into my mouth and plop myself down on the single bed, waiting. I hate to admit it, but as soon as he kissed me, something snapped. I'm sitting here on the bed, almost unable to control how bad I want him to touch me all over, but the cigarette's helping with that. He knows; he can sense my lust for him. He loves it.

I absentmindedly open my legs a little, and my short little skirt can no longer cover what's behind it. I'm not wearing any kind of underwear-his personal request. I watch his eyes travel down to the opening between my legs and he smirks. I take a particularly long drag of my cigarette this time; it's getting even harder to control it.

He turns his back to me and starts pulling off his tight, sleeveless shirt; making every muscle he has in his upper body flex as he does so. I bite my lip, and I know the cigarette won't do any good anymore. He turns to me, revealing his perfectly toned abs which my skin would be touching so soon. He smiles at my gaze, and takes one small step towards me. Teasing me is one of his favorite things to do.

"Your turn," he whispers to me, barely audible. Any scream of protest inside me was ignored by the terribly powerful lust I have for this boy, so I obey him; like a dog obeys his master. I'm so damn pathetic.

I grab the ashtray on the nightstand and quickly put my cigarette out. Then I stood up and pulled off my extremely low cut top I was wearing and threw it. I don't know where it went, but I don't care right now. I hungrily watch his eyes once again scan my shirtless body. "Take off your bra sweetie," he demands. I love hearing the lust in his voice; it makes me feel a whole 2 better knowing I can do to him what he can do to me. But I don't kill him inside, like he does to me…

That doesn't matter either right now, it will later but not now. I quickly pull the straps of my bra down and unhook it. I'm standing before him now, my top half completely naked, and my bottom half barely protected by the lonely, skimpy skirt. He wants it off, and I know its next, but I want him to work for it.

He read my mind or something because he says, "Want me to go next?" God, I hate how he can do that. I swallow and nod, mentally trying to prepare myself for the next part of him; failed. I watch him as he ever-so-slowly pulls down his red basketball shorts, leaving him completely naked when they finally were on the floor. I'm about to lose every single ounce of control in my body.

Somehow he ends up right in front of me, I don't know how or when it happened, but all I know is that he's there, and I wouldn't have it any other way. He locks his thumbs underneath the hem of my skirt and slowly pulls it down. The skin-on-skin contact we have right now, no matter how little it is, makes me violently shiver, which makes his perfect smile appear again. Fuck.

He stops tugging down my skirt when there's only a little more way to go before I'm totally exposed. "Do you want me Lilly?" he whispers, his tone is calm. I almost scream. "That's a fucking dumb question," I manage to breathe out, although it was very difficult. I felt his hands leave the surface of my body completely, which caused my eyes to snap open. "You could say it nicely Lillian," he whispered to me with a smile. Fucking asshole. "Y-yes, I want you, badly," I answered, it sounded more like begging though. I mentally kicked myself as I heard the words leave my mouth as if programmed to respond to him like that, I am so pathetic.

"That's all you had to say," he said and I felt his hands return to me, leaving a burning trail everywhere they touched. He stopped again, but kept his hands on me. "Still cutting your wrists?" he asks me. I thought I heard concern line his voice, but realized it was just my inability to concentrate. "Obviously," I spat out, I did not want to talk about this especially with him, especially right now. I felt him trace the scars and scabs with his fingertips. "Do I still do this to you?" I scoffed. "Don't flatter yourself, it's not all you." He leans down and kisses the wounds on my arms, not another word was said about it, and his hands returned to my waist.

Not long after, I was completely naked with him and he was on top of me, and he had his way with me. I hate enjoying every second of our "activities".

**XxXx**

I'm sitting on the bed with my bra and my skirt on, another cigarette lit and stuck in between my lips. My hairs a total mess and I'm looking around the room trying to find where my shirt ended up. He's putting his shorts back on and finishing packing all his things back into the black bag. He's keeping his shirt off, but it doesn't matter to me anymore because I'm back to hating his guts again. He comes up to me and hands me my shirt. I nod a thank you to him and pull it over my head. "Ready to go?" he asks as he slings the bag over his shirtless shoulder. I respond by getting up and following him out the door.

He shuts it behind him, and as soon as I can smell the fresh air, my body goes numb again and I'm hit with a wave of depression. I told you, as soon as I step out of the motel I feel like nothing again. Drags of my cigarette will have to hold me over, until I can reach my savior. I'm beginning to count down the minutes until I get home. We walk silently to the car and he held my door open for me before getting in himself. Silence ends as soon as the engine starts however.

Another pointless car ride back home, well to the street corner I've become so familiar with. It's only 20 minutes away from my house and he figures if I can walk to it I can walk home from it, regardless if its- I glance at the red numbers on his dashboard- 1:30 in the morning.

We pull up to the deserted corner and I let myself out, but not before I get it. He leans over, places a small kiss on my cheek, "350 tonight Truscott." I take the money and slam the door behind me, walking away. I don't look back, half because I can't stand to look at that man, half because I have tears streaming down my cheeks. I hear him drive away.

I hate Blake Goodman. I hate having to walk home. I hate being numb. I hate sobbing my insides out. But most of all, I hate living in this situation.

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You can find out what's going on in Lilly's life and more about everything that just happened if you review like good little readers! (:


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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It's around 2 am now, or something, I'm not really sure because I left my phone at home. But anyways I'm walking down my street; the wind must have dried my tears or something because I don't remember ever stopping crying. I never feel more alone than I do when I walk home from the corner; my corner.

Finally, I reached the house, only to realize it's locked. I sigh and reach up to the broken light I have to illuminate the porch- although what good can it do, it's broken. I really should get that fixed, but I'm really too exhausted to put any thought into it. Finally my hands set on the small, cool piece of gold hidden away in the crevasses of the light; my house key. I unlock the door, put the key back in place, and thankfully enter the house. There's nothing but silence and darkness. I swear sometimes my house is a symbol, like the symbolism you learn about in English class, where I live represents how I live my life- in silent loneliness and darkness. Hah.

I gently bend down to peel my high heels off my feet, carefully avoiding my forming blisters from walking. Then I trudge myself up the stairs to collapse. Well, there some other business I have to take care of first…

I walk up the stairs, ignoring the sting of my blisters hitting the wooden steps, and walk down the dark hallway; past the half-bathroom, past the spare room, past the forbidden room...and I end up at my destination: my room. It's not like whoa humongous or anything, but it has a conjoined bathroom and a pretty decent size, so who's complaining? Not me, thats definately the least of my problems.

The bathroom is my next stop. I flip the light on, and wait for my eyes to adjust to the lighting so all the stars floating around my throbbing skull will fade away. Scratch that, I can't wait any longer, it's hurting so badly. What is hurting exactly? My insides, every single organ, blood cell, muscle, it all aches. Too bad I can't be immune to emotional pain then maybe I wouldn't have to do this. I pick up my shiny little life savor and place it to my wrist, it's going to overlap an old scar but I can't do anything about it; I'm running out of room quickly. "Here's for you Blake." My voice is a low whisper, so low I feel the vibrations from my vocal chords rattling my skin. One straight, deep red line. "Here's for you daddy dearest." Two more deep red lines. "Here's for you mommy, I miss you so much, I'd bleed for you any day." Three more deep red lines, bringing the grand total to six cuts. I didn't notice my tears started back up again until some of the blood began to smear. Just perfect…not. I wipe my eyes with my good arm and flick the light back off.

Too tired to do anything else, I wrap the wounds in a wash cloth and tie it tight with my hair tie. Now I'm changing into some sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt that's quite big on me; it's getting harder to fight unconsciousness, but I'll manage. I take my earnings from tonight and place it on my desk, without looking at the money once. It sickens me, it haunts me. Finally, I glance at my digital alarm clock, it reads 3:15. "Shit," I mumble out loud as I flop down on my bed; I literally feel everything in my body relax into the softness of it. I can't move, I'd like to think it's just because I'm so tired and comfortable but I can't. I'm also immobilized by the dying of my insides. School is going to be hell tomorrow.

I begin to think, something I do every night, but more so on the nights I see _him_. I'm a prisoner to my own mind, and trust me; reliving any pain through memories doesn't make things any better. So I begin to think; who am I?

_Who the fuck am I?_

Well if you looked at my birth certificate you'd find Lillian Marie Truscott printed on there by the lovely doctors who helped bring me into this lovely world. However, I don't go by what the paper says I'm Lilly, not Lillian. My father named me that, my father called me that, and I refuse to go by _that_. I was born March 16th, 1992, which whoop-de-doo makes me sixteen years old in the present time of 2008. I'm turning seventeen this year.

That birth certificate was signed by none other than Heather and John Truscott-my parents. There's dear old dad, never was close with him. Ever. Let's go through a time line of what he put me through, shall we? Years 1-7 of my life were okay with him, he was rarely there and whatnot. Whatever. 8 years old to 10 years old: this was the "lets take advantage of her not starting her period yet" phase. My father raped me for two years. 11 years-15 years old: he gave up on the sexual acts when he started getting his affairs to take care of that job. So he started physically abusing me. I started cutting myself when I was twelve years old. Not badly and not regularly, but I'd say one cut like every week. I didn't start cutting as bad as I do now until I was fifteen. A month after I turned sixteen, my father left the house and never came back. I'm not complaining one bit, but I became screwed for money. I lived alone and I had no job. My father, once again, has screwed me over.

Then there my mother who was, and will forever be, the most important person to me that ever walked the planet. Unfortunately, a year ago on my fifteenth birthday she passed away. It shocked me, it killed me, and it depressed the living fuck out of me. That's when I started cutting badly and when I started popping the depression pills. It was terrible, it still is terrible. I love her so much, I need her so much.

Out of all the people I've ever come in contact with, the only person besides my mother who I actually give 2 cents about is my best friend Miley Stewart. Her life means more to me than my own does, although that's really not saying much because I don't give a fuck about my life, but you get my point. I can tell this girl almost everything, but my lifestyle I just can't bring myself to tell her about. Miley knows about my bad situations with my deadbeat dad; she's the only one who CAN know I live alone without child services coming and whisking me away. She knows how I have to pop depression pills every day, and she knows I've gotten around with guys because well, she has too. She knows I smoke a whole hell of a lot, because she's the one who turned me onto smoking to relief my stress. But she doesn't know how I get the daylights fucked out of me by Mr. Blake Goodman one to two nights a week just to survive, she doesn't know I slash the fuck out of my wrists all the time, she doesn't know I do drugs. I just can't tell her that shit; I can't hurt her like that. Miley has the perfect life, and I don't envy her, I'm 100 percent happy for her. I wouldn't want her life to be screwed up like mine; I know how much it hurts.

I'm a junior, that's eleventh grade, at Seaview High School. To me, school is the most pointless thing ever created. I used to be a straight-A student, with hopes and dreams and ambitions; but they were crushed when my mom died and all this stuff started. I don't fail, but I barely pass. It's better than staying behind in the godforsaken school another year. Plus, I'm always too numb to do the effort. I just do not care.

So there's Blake Goodman, the most gorgeous person to ever walk the halls of Seaview High School. He's an eighteen year old senior who's family is probably richer than Bill Gates, no lie. Every girl in school would pay HIM to fuck him, but he doesn't play around with sex. You'd expect him to, I know. He's a player with everything but sex. I think he's only had sex with 5 or 6 different girls, because Blake Goodman only wants the best of the best to ride his cock. He's the biggest asshole; and I'm ashamed to have to call him my savior, my provider. When my father left the house to never return, I got desperate. I knew Blake had money, and I embarrassingly found myself going up to him one day to ask if there was any way he could get me a good paying job. He told me to meet him at a street corner, the street corner, that night. That's when I found out my job was to become his own personal little prostitute. Yeah, somewhere down the road I fell in love with him and he just treated me rough and like shit. I started adding cuts because of him, and he knew it. He actually liked knowing he could be such a powerful impact on my life. I quickly fell out of love with him, and started hating his guts; almost as much as I hate my father. But it is good money, and I hate to say it but his touches drive me wild.

My thought as being interrupted by my body screaming in protest for my staying awake. But my last thought before I slip into sleep...I know who I was, who I am, what I've become, how lost and alone I am;

But I don't know what I want to be. And that scares me.

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Well it isnt the best chapter ever, but you had to know what was going on with Lilly sometime!

If you review, you get to REALLY start the story next chapter, and the loe ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary:** She's living in a world of sex, drugs, depression, self harm, and more just trying to get by. There's only one person who can save her from this life...and from herself. Can he? Loe.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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_Beep Beep Beep Beep_

I smash the button down on my alarm clock and groan. It's five thirty in the morning now, which means I have to get ready for the most exciting place in the world! Not.

I roll onto my back and stretch, trying to remember what time I crashed last night. It was 3? 3:30? Maybe four o'clock, I don't remember, all I know is that I got only two hours of sleep. Fuck.

I force myself up off the warmth of my bed and drag my feet the whole 10 feet to the bathroom. The light hurts my eyes, but that's what I remember the cuts. They're coated with a light scabbing. Wonderful, just wonderful. I really have to make a mental note not to cut so early in the morning. Watch them burst open during math class, hah.

It wasn't until I was standing under the hot water of the shower that I realized I was aching all over my body. _He_ really must have gotten into it yesterday. I scrunch up my face and frown. I can't remember, why can't I remember? I really think about this. Could it be the depression, my inability to concentrate, my numbness? But then I come to this conclusion: the déjà vu like memories. Well I mean it this way, how is it that our brains can remember something that doesn't happen too often, but can barely remember the every day things that happen to us? How do we make memories then? Are memories just solemnly based on the rare things we experience? Is what we do repeatedly every day, or all the time, not processed into your memory bank? I shake my head and clear those thoughts. Sometimes I think too much that I confuse myself.

I step out of the shower and I'm instantly pressed into the cold air, quickly I grab a towel. I'm scrubbing it out today, so I dry myself off really well and throw on my sweatpants and t-shirt. Then I dry my hair, straighten it a little bit, throw on some make up, you know make myself somewhat decent. Finally after all my lollygagging it's 6:15. Miley comes to get me every morning at 6:30. With fifteen minutes to spare what should I do? Eat. I grab a hoodie and head down the stairs.

I get a bowl out of the cupboard, some milk, and some captain crunch. I'm really nutritious I know. I hear the honking of a horn outside my house, so I glance out the window. "God damnit Miley…" I mumble to myself. I didn't get to finish my food.

I grab my backpack and my cigarettes and head towards the car. Miley greets me cheerily as soon as I shut the door. "Hey Lils!" I smile at her, "Hey Miles, what's going on?" She sighs; I hear exasperation in the noise. "Well Jackson decided to be a prick today and use all the hot water, so I took a fucking freezing cold shower…hey, are you okay?" I heard concern line her words now. I nod my head, "Why wouldn't I be?" I watch her shrug her shoulders, "Just making sure, you've got really dark circles. Sleep much?" She cares, and she's the only one. "No, not at all." I face forward now, but I see her shake her head a little out of the corner of my eyes. "Why not, what happened?" She asks. I pull out a cigarette and roll down the window to light it. I take a big drag before answering her, "Just thinking about some stuff…" She nods sadly, "You know I'm here for you Lils, even if it's four in the morning or whatever." I smile through the cigarette in between my lips. "I know Miley." I love my best friend.

Miley turns on some music. A few boring songs pass then our favorite song comes on, Disturbia by Rihanna. Don't even ask me why, because I couldn't tell you. So I crank the volume and hit the bass and we sing along. I feel happy; I wish the feeling would never go away.

**XxXx**

First period Biology definitely is a bitch. Just my luck I have to get stuck with the world's most boring class with the world's most boring teacher so early in the morning. Thank God Miley's here to suffer with me.

My teacher's name is Mr. Benson, if I had three words to describe him it would be old horny perv. He's always staring down my shirts and Miley's shirts, calling us beautiful and talking way beyond inappropriate to us. Ew, creepy much? We sit in the back right besides each other, but not like it matters anyways. The only good thing about this class is how we can do whatever we want while Bensons droning on and on, because he's like in love with us or something. Whatever.

I lay my head down on my abnormally large bio book and feel my weight shift towards the ceiling. Then everything starts going fuzzy; I know I'm drifting far away. What seems like five minutes later, I feel Miley shove me. I glare at her, "What?" She points to the clock; it tells me that the bell will dismiss us in five minutes. "Sorry…" I say and she smiles.

I had a dream. I hate having dreams in school, because I hate reliving the traumatizing things when I can't cut them back into my mind. Well, I could, but that's definitely a risk. Today's dream was about Blake. Shit, speak of the devil, I see him walking towards Miley and me.

"Hello ladies," he says smoothly looking directly at me. "Hey Blake," Miley says with a huge smile on her face. Remember, she knows nothing. Blake reaches over and grabs her hand. Oh that bitch. He's trying to make me mad. "You are looking beautiful today Miley," he says with his best fake little acting voice. "Thanks, you too," Miley responds looking into his gorgeous eyes. Asshole, fucking asshole. He smiles and flashes those too perfect teeth. "I got to run, sorry girls, I'll catch you around," He said as he pulled Miley into a hug, her back is towards me, and he grabs her butt. Then he leaves, but not before winking at me. God, I wish I could dream about him getting SHOT or something. Ugh.

"He is SO cute!" Miley giggles. I just shrug my shoulders in response. "What? You don't think Blake Goodman is fucking fiiiiine?!" She looks at me with surprise. "Oh he's definitely something Miles," I said, and without even hearing myself I know it was a whisper. "Oh I know!" Then she started going on and on about him, and I tuned my brain to a different station, something far from Blake Goodman. Maybe the blade…

School pretty much dragged on normally. I went to my second, fourth, and fifth hour with Miley, got hit on by the dozens, had guys cop cheap feels all over my body randomly in the halls, talked with my friends. Blah, blah, blah; nothing new ever happens around here. Now it's sixth hour, finally. Just boring trigonometry to go then I'm free. I walked to my classroom and let my mind wander, then before I know it I'm on the floor and I have a sharp pain in my side. "What the fuck?" I exclaim loudly. My books are scattered around me and there's some guy on the floor opposite me.

"I'm so sorry!" he says quickly, "Let me get those for you." I watch the boy scramble to pick my books up along with his own. Then he helps me up, it's not until then that I get a good look at him. Dark hair, beautiful chocolate brown eyes, nice build; he's really cute. "Thanks," I said, not breaking our eye contact.

"Yeah, sorry again, I'm new here and I'm lost and my mind just kind of went blank." Put a tally in the "things-in-common" box. "Mhm, same here, we really should work on that," I say with a smile. He laughs a gorgeous laugh and I barely hear the bell go off, screaming to us that we're late. But when do I ever care?

"So what's your name?" he asks me, staring into my eyes. "Lilly, you?" He holds out his hand, "I'm Joe." I take his hand and shake it. "Nice to meet you Joe, so you say you're new? Where are you from?" Our handshake drops. "I went to Pondview, I just moved and this school is closer." I nod my head, "Pondview eh? Is someone a rich boy?" He smiles. "I'll never say." I put on my best fake frown, "Boo." He laughs again.

"You've got a cute pouty face." I bit my bottom lip and smile. "Well, thanks." He smiles back at me. "Well, actually, your normal face is pretty cute too." I feel my tongue lick my lips, and I step closer to this boy. His scent is overwhelming. "You're not to bad yourself."

He leans toward me, and I let him get an inch to my lips before turning my head. "Well ten minutes have passed, and I'm probably going to get murdered by my trig teacher, so I should get going. I'll see you around Joe," Then I turn and walk the other way, but not before seeing him grin. "See you around Lilly," I hear him call from behind me.

**XxXx**

Meeting Joe seemed like a good thing at the time, but the more I concentrate on the scene in my head the worse it sounds. Judging by the way a complete stranger tried to kiss me, I'm sure he's going to be infatuated with me now. I'm going to get involved with another guy; I know it because that's how I am with the cute ones. I'll just end up getting hurt, I know it. I can't have any more stress in my life right now. I feel tears brim to my eyes, but I fight them back, I really need a blade.

For the third time today, I barely hear the bell ring. I realize it has when everyone around me is leaving, so I gather my things and join them. Joe…

The ride with Miley is different today, I'm being quiet, and she knows something is up. "What's wrong Lilly?" The concern is back. "Nothing, nothing…" I say, not really listening to her anyway.

She scoffs. "You think I don't know my best friend? Go on, tell me." I sigh. "I met someone today, well he like crashed into me, but I don't know…" I light two cigarettes, one for me and one for Miley.

She takes her and takes a hit before answering. "A guy then, oh baby, is he cute?" I nod. "Yeah, really cute, his name's Joe. He's new here."

She squeals, "New boy?! Oh damn he is cute, I have him in my econ class sixth hour." I laugh at her. "So when are you going to get with him?" She asks me with a wink.

My breath stops for a moment. I can't do this. "I'm not." She looks over at me. "Well why the hell not?" I take a drag. "I can't Miley; I don't know…I just can't get hurt any more."

Miley frowns and grabs my hand. "Not all men are assholes Lils, there's a few good one's out there in the obnoxious web of guys. You just have to give them a chance to show you." I sigh again, "I know, I'm just…afraid. God, I'm such a loser."

I watch Miley shake her head, "Definitely not babe…FUCK!" She let's go of my hand and honks the horn. "ASSHOLE!" she screams out the window. If I haven't said it before, I love my best friend.

**XxXx**

"Come over for dinner tonight okay?" Miley screams out the window as I walk up my sidewalk. I turn and yell, "Alright!" back. I hear her drive away as I reach the porch. I take a deep breath before opening the door to the emptiness. Before I know it, I'm running up the stairs like a serial killer is on my tail. I reach the blade.

I make a cut for Blake, A cut for hating school, a cut for my douche bag father, cut for my mom, and a new cut for the new boy Joe for all the pain he's going to cause me in the future. I already know it. He'll add to the list. I don't even bother cleaning the blood off, I like watching it flow; watching my pain leave my body.

I walk to the bed, and just collapse in it again. Setting my alarm for 5:00 pm this time so I can make it for dinner. I just want a little bit of sleep.

I get my wish, but I fall asleep thinking of him; him being Joe this time.

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Let's review guys; I know you definitely want to. We'll have some intense Loe in the next chapter if you do, promise. Oh and for the record, you know who Joe is, but he won't have a last name because some idiot might report me. Kay thanks(:

-emergencyxx


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary:** She's living in a world of sex, drugs, depression, self harm, and more just trying to get by. There's only one person who can save her from this life...and from herself. Can he? Loe.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

* * *

With one final grunt from him and- against my better judgment- a moan from myself he collapsed on top of me, both of us panting our lungs out.

I find myself wondering how exactly I got here…I mean I know HOW I got here, I guess I'm really wondering why. The past few hours became a blur to me, I know I was at Miley's eating dinner but I cut out early because he called. But before I can put too much thought into it, I feel a large weight literally lifting off my chest and watch him stand up, reaching for his boxers.

"Nice one tonight Truscott," he said and laughed. I shuddered at the sound of his laugh. There is nothing that could pass as loving emotion in the tone of his voice, or his laugh for that matter. "Mhm," is my only response. I light a cigarette; I'm hoping to clear my head. I take a particularly long drag and blow out a perfect smoke ring. Blake is only half naked now; I'm positive he plans to keep it that way…teasing me with his perfect body. Ugh.

"I swear girl you get better every time," he says. I'm not exactly sure if he's talking to me or himself. I just take another drag so I can avoid answering him either way. He looks at me for the first time since he got up from the bed, keep in mind I'm still naked. "And you're so hot," he adds seductively, emphasizing the 'so'. I watch his every move as he comes back to sit next to me.

He takes my cigarette from me, and takes a drag himself. "Hey!" I say in protest. He softly chuckles and put my cigarette out in a nearby ashtray. I glare at him. His response however, is what really set off a reaction in me. His hands were running up and down my thighs, but the movement quickly spread and I was receiving a full body massage.

What ever memories that I regained from the back of my subconscious were again long gone at the touch. I shivered and relaxed into him; my mind screaming in protest, but my body begging for more. I am so weak. Five, ten, fifteen minutes…I really don't know how much time passed but it seemed like forever. Then he just stopped, and smiled at me.

"What the fuck?" I breathed out, angrily. If he's going to get me started, he better get me finished. He smiled the perfect smile and got up off the bed. "I really should get you home now Truscott." He pulls his shirt on. I hate Blake Goodman, so much.

Regardless, I quickly dress myself, re-light the cigarette he just had to put out, stuck it in my mouth, grabbed my bag, and headed out the door. The depression came rushing back at me with the assistance of the chilly air. I sigh and head towards his car, Blake not far behind.

The ride home is silent, not one word. I'm actually surprised, not complaining, but surprised. Blake Goodman never lets me off easy, he loves making me awkwardly talk to him. I want to know what gives, so I ask him. "So you fuck me and don't talk to me? That's a first…what's your issue?" I noticed to my dissatisfaction that my tone is bitter, almost begging. He must have noticed it too, because he's grinning. "When have you ever complained before Truscott?" His tone is taunting, teasing me. I glare at him and l gaze out the window, not saying another word. "But if you must know," he starts, "I'm upset actually." Since my back is turned to him I make a face, Blake Goodman upset? He read my thoughts; I hate how he can do that. "That's right sweetheart, I'm upset. It's not a big deal, but I heard some things." I turn to face him now, hooked by the curiosity now.

"See, I heard from some inside sources that you were seen flirting with the new kid. It doesn't work that way Lilly, if you're going to be fucking with me then I strongly suggest you keep other guys away from you. I don't want an STD or anything," he says to me. He has the nerve to say to me. Without even meaning to I throw out a disgusted grunt. "Fuck you," I mumble under my breath. My back is towards him again, and I can FEEL his smile pressing into my back. The rest of the car ride wasn't so silent.

"Three hundred tonight," he says with a smile. I rip the money from his hands and slam the mustang door behind me. I hear him drive off, and it takes everything in me not to turn around and cuss his pretty little face out. I have to always think ahead, after all, he is my…provider.

I begin the long walk home that I've become so accustomed to. My thoughts are spinning in all different directions. I decide to take a detour. It's probably late but I don't care.

**XoXo**

I approach a small abandoned looking building and enter quietly. "Ollie?" I hear something falling to the floor with a loud bang. "Fuck Lilly don't fucking scare me like that!" A guy's voice rang throughout the building. "Sorry. Thank god you're here, I need a hit," I reply with a smile. He laughs. "I've already had many!"

I follow him to the back room and instantly I feel three pairs of eyes on me. I look down and suddenly remember I'm dressed like a complete whore, and I've got to have sex hair. I wish I could feel embarrassment still, but that emotion has faded too. I notice many empty bottles of alcohol and some joints sprawled across the table.

I looked at Oliver, he was so high, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was drunk off his ass too. I felt a twinge of remorse surge through my body for a moment, Oliver had changed so much. A couple months ago when his parents got a divorce and his older brother killed himself he snapped, although I can't blame him. He sadly became a druggie, and actually he turned me onto drugs, but that's the only thing he knows I do. More than often he's here in this building getting high with people I've never seen or met. I feel myself blinking back unwanted tears.

"Guys, this is Lillian Marie Truscott, my best friend!" Oliver said, clumsy with his words. I smile at the three other guys in the room. They appeared older than Oliver, so I examined them more closely.

One of the guys, who looked about eighteen, is tall and muscular. His face is stricken with stubble, his eyes a brilliant shade of green, and his blonde hair long enough to touch his eyes. He is wearing a tightly fitted white t-shirt, which shows off his chest muscles perfectly. He looks taller than six feet.

The second in the room was a smaller guy, looking about five ten or so. He also looks younger than then other. He is skinny, but still has amazing muscles. He is wearing a red shirt with a leather jacket over it, and skinny jeans. His eyes are a light, mesmerizing brown, his hair dark brown, short and spiky. I notice he has his ears gauged.

The final one I look at was definitely the cutest. They are all very cute, but this one strikes my interest. He is shorter than the others, but definitely taller than me. His eyes are a beautiful shade of light blue; his hair light brown and dangling a little bit lower than his gorgeous eyes. It is styled in such a manor off to the side so his eyes do show. He is wearing a sleeveless black shirt and very destroyed jeans. His smile is hypnotizing, all his teeth perfectly straight. I find myself staring.

"LIIIIILLY!" Oliver screams in my face breaking the trance, while waving a joint. I snatch it from his hands and push him out of the way. He stumbles backwards and falls on his ass. The four completely wasted guys crack up laughing at this. I cannot help but smile.

"So introduce me to yourselves," I said smoothly as I light the joint. I sit down in a random chair and spread my legs apart a little, showing a little of what my shirt covered. I watched all their eyes fall down to the opening. I took a puff of the goods; feeling my pain leave me already.

The first guy was the first to speak up. "I'm Mason Lavoine, eighteen years old. Senior." I got the age dead on. The second guy spoke up next. "I'm Jake Michaels, seventeen, also a senior." His words slur more than Mason's did. Finally the cutest of the bunch responded, the only one I really care about hearing. I take another drag. "I'm Evan Caspian, sixteen, junior." He has got to be the most gone out of all of them. I feel a smile creep up on my face, junior? This boy is way too sexy for me not to know.

See the thing about me is this…I find many ways to cope with my pain; cutting, smoking, drinking, doing drugs, and even messing around with guys. I don't do the last one very often, but when I see an opportunity for a good one, I take it. Fuck what Blake says.

I motion for Evan to come sit next to me, and he obeys- but not before grabbing me a drink first. I graciously accept it and take a sip. Strong, just how I like it and the good thing is that I'm also kind of a lightweight. Hah.

Before I know it, I'm so high and unbelievably drunk off my ass. I'm on top of Evan now, both of us shirtless, I can't remember when it happened but it feels so good. We're in a heated make-out session, and I taste the alcohol on his breath. He is about to take off my skirt but somehow through all the substance-induced emotions I hear Oliver scream "COPS!"

I jump so high that I fall off Evan and tumble to the floor. Shit. Shit. Shit. I can't get caught by the cops; I already illegally live alone and now this? Oliver knows it, and must be thinking it too because he says, "Lilly you have time, go now, you can't get caught." I look at him but he shoos me away and I take off running. It is very difficult considering how under the influence I am. Right as I round the corner I hear the cops burst into the building; just in time. I sigh and slow my awkward running to a slow stumble; I'm hidden safely in the shadows now.

**XoXo**

I completely lost track of time, and I'm surprised I managed to get here…but I'm in my neighborhood now. The sun is coming up so I know it must be at least past six. I'm still not even close to being sober, so it must have been only like five o clock when I left the building.

I continue stumbling down the street with my head down. I realize how exhausted I am. Suddenly I'm knocked to the cement by a huge force. I groan and look up, my eyes met with beautiful brown ones. "Lilly? God again…I'm so sorry, let me help you up," Joe says as his face turns a shade or two of pink. "Ha ha thanks Joey!" I slur out, trying my hardest to keep my obvious condition under the rug. He looks at me funny.

"Lilly are you drunk?" He asks me with an accusing tone. I nod my head and smile. Good thing he didn't realize I was also high as hell. I watch him sigh. "I haven't…haven't been h-home ALL night Joe. I watched the clouds and the trees taunt me with their colors of the RAINBOW!" I listen to what I'm saying, and realize it makes no sense. I giggle profusely. Suddenly I'm off the ground, he's carrying me somewhere.

"My house is right here, you can sleep for a while," I listen to him say now, with a gentle tone to his voice. As soon as he opens the door I'm hit with the scent of him. It's a very alluring scent. "You smell very, very good Joseph!" He smiles at me and leads me up the stairs to his room. It smells even better.

"Just lie down and go to sleep Lilly. I'll call the school for you." He calmly says to me. I babble on for a little bit more and he just sits there patiently and listens. I stop talking and look at him. He's so adorable.

"Lilly…why were you out all night drunk?" he asks me. I hear concern line his voice. I feel my face become grave. "He fucked me tonight, I made three hundred bucks. I gotta…gotta do it so I can stay alive. Dad's not coming back so I gotta make the money. Ollie gave me a hit and I made out with Evan. Damn he's fine," I was slurring my words out so fast that I couldn't stop myself. Before I could barely realize the damage I have done and the look of horror on Joe's face, I passed out.

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Uh oh, Lilly just spilled some of her deep dark secrets to Joe. Yeah, alcohol can do that to you. How will he react? What will he do? Find out if you read and review!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary:** She's living in a world of sex, drugs, depression, self harm, and more just trying to get by. There's only one person who can save her from this life...and from herself. Can he? Loe.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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I woke up in a very unfamiliar place, but to a very familiar face; a face I recognize from the dreams I've been having for the past couple of days. With a gasp, I realize where I am; Joe's room. How fucked up was I last night? My heart is beating fast and I'm sure he can hear it, damn the adrenaline rush.

"Hey Lilly, how you feeling?" His angelic voice asked me, breaking the silence and my wave of confusion. My eyes begin to focus and I get a clearer picture of his face, he looks worried…and kind of nauseated? My heart beats faster and at the same time drops into my stomach; what happened last night? Or this morning, or whatever!

"Like I got hit by a truck," I grumble, my voice is very hoarse. I see a smile peek out from under his worried expression. "You look like it too," he responds.

I scowl at him. "Thanks." His smile drops, "No offense or anything!" he quickly says. It's my turn to smile now; it was really cute the way he blushed. Silence.

I figure if I'm ever going to find out what went down between me and Joe, I'm going to have to be the one to bring it up. "So…what happened last night?" I ask, holding my head as I try to sit up. He gently pushes me back down. "Just lie down and rest," he commands me. He's avoiding eye contact with me. I know I'm giving him a weird look, but I can't help it.

"Joe…" I start but he interrupts me. "What do you remember from last night Lilly?" he asks me, still avoiding my eyes. I struggle to think…shit. I know I went with Blake, got fucked up, met a guy…but the details aren't clear, and I certainly can't tell him this.

"I…I don't remember," I lied, trying to make eye contact with him. I guess another good thing about fucking around with Blake is that I became a good liar. I'm a horrible person.

To my surprise, his beautiful brown eyes find mine. They look angry; angry enough to make me wince. I can feel my face change from surprised to confused; why did I wince? Nobody can ever make me wince like _that_ anymore….

"Lilly…." He seems lost for words, or trying to say something totally awkward. Shit…I hope we didn't have sex. Double shit…I hope I didn't take his v-card. _V-card_? I mentally slap myself for that one. "Lilly…this morning when I took you here, you told me some things, things I'm praying to God aren't true."

How ever fast my heart was beating, now slowed to a complete stop. It takes everything in me to keep my voice calm, "And what might that have been?" His eyes find mine again, and this time I see the pain in them. "I don't know how to say this…do you promise you won't get mad?" he asks me in a whisper. I nod my head once.

"Okay…." He said. Then he tells me everything I don't want to hear, everything I've been trying so hard to keep a secret. I had confessed my life to a kid I met a couple days ago. As soon as I feel the tears in my eyes, I know I won't be able to pass it off like I was just drunk-talking.

Words weren't even necessary. "So…it is true?" he whispers to me. I just break down crying. Joe grabs me in his arms and holds me tight. I've never had anyone hold me like this…it felt kind of nice.

I don't know how long it was that I stayed crying in his arms, but eventually I broke away. He stared at me for a long time, but it was my turn to avoid eye contact. "Lilly….please tell me everything," he whispers softly. His hands move to my cheek and I feel myself flinch. He immediately retracts his hand and quickly adds, "Sorry." I shake my head and grab his hand, holding it tightly in my own. With a deep breath, I begin to spill my life and all my secrets to this beautiful boy.

Throughout the stories his expressions ranged from really sad to really angry. I found it kind of amusing that he got so into them, but then I realized that why wouldn't he? This is some pretty serious stuff. "Lilly how could you go on so long without telling anyone?" he asks me, squeezing my hand tighter in the process. I shrugged, "it's complicated Joe." He shook his head furiously. "If you were in so much pain you SHOULD have told someone! You could have been seriously hurt." He seemed to cringe at the thought. I gave him a weak smile. "I'm already hurt Joe." I patted my chest with my free hand.

Brown met blue again as he looked into my eyes. I saw pain, anger, and confusion. I never knew how much I meant to a kid I just met?

"Does anyone else know?" he asked me. I shook my head. "Well my best friend Miley knows some of it…but not really." He looked away and bit his bottom lip; I could tell he was in pretty deep thought.

"I have to do something about this," he muttered, either to himself of me, but either way I hear it and immediately spring upwards. "No!" I shout much louder than I necessarily need to. He looked at me again. "Lilly this isn't right…" he began but I cut him off, "Joe promise me, please, you won't tell anyone. Not one single person," I demanded. He didn't answer for quite some time; he just kept staring into my eyes. Finally he spoke, "I promise."

He leans down and places a kiss on my lips. I did not expect this. I feel the shocks fly through every inch of my body, numbing every place they touch in an instant. I kiss him back, putting my hand behind his head and pulling myself up to him. Our lips move in synch, he grazes his tongue against my bottom lip. Forever after, we break apart to breath. I lost my breath from the kissing and because he stole it away from me. I stared at him, dazed, I've been kissed a lot of times but none ever felt like it did just now.

He breaks the silence by cupping my cheek and whispering to me, "I won't let anything happen to you anymore."

Now lusting for the feeling after he kissed me again, I pulled his face back down towards mine. He gladly kissed back. He slowly finds his way on top of my trembling body, and we slowly fall back into a laying position; lips moving frantically. Before I knew it, my shirt was off, and then his. I cant believe this, what is going on?

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Sorry! Short and boring chapter, but I wanted to leave a little cliffhanger there! Ahahaah(:  
review?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary:** She's living in a world of sex, drugs, depression, self harm, and more just trying to get by. There's only one person who can save her from this life...and from herself. Can he? Loe.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

* * *

There aren't words, in my personal vocabulary at least, to describe how good the feeling of Joe's hands felt as they roamed my body; touching as much of it as they possibly could. My mind is screaming stop, but I can't physically get the words out; they just come out in the form of a moan.

I have to do this.

"Joe…" I manage to choke out, "Joe…please, you n-need to s-stop." His eyes find mine and we lock gazes. "What's wrong Lilly?" he asked, concern lining his perfect face. I sigh at the sight of him, shirtless, in his boxers, and best of all on top of me. I swallow…how do I put this?

"Joe, you're the one guy I've ever felt is different, I…I just don't want to screw that up," I whisper, unable to look into his eyes any longer. I felt him shift and then press his lips to my forehead before getting off of me. No words were necessary.

**XoXo**

I need a blade, its official. I'm not quite sure why, but it's like an itch that I need to scratch. And I need to scratch it immediately. I stand in Joe's shower, letting too hot of water beat down upon my body but I don't feel it, I can't feel it. I feel like a CIPA patient; the only difference is that I'm just numb, not medically unstable.

Unable to finish my shower, I step out and immediately regret it; my head spins, vision blurs and blacks in and out. I collapse and fall to the floor, clutching my head the whole way down.

"Lilly?" I hear beyond the shower running and the banging of the door, "Are you alright babe?" I reach into the depths of myself to find my voice, and I muster up enough strength to answer, "Yes."

I doubt he believed me, but he left so I didn't need an excuse to explain this to him. Sometimes when my pain gets too bad to handle, that happens. I fall to the floor and get uncontrollably dizzy. Ugh, I am a freak. I clutch the rim of the toilet seat and pull myself off the cold tile floor. Careful not to slip on the water I left, I stumbled my way over to the small wooden medicine cabinet above the sink, my mind set on one thing; a razor.

No luck. Fuck my life.

I wrap a towel around my violently shaking body and exit the bathroom, only to collapse down on Joe's bed; completely unaware that he was sitting there.

I barely heard his sweet, worried voice say my name "Lilly!?" I tried to answer, but my body refuses any sound to leave me. "Are you alright!?" I heard him say again. Help me Joe, help me.

I woke up an hour later tucked under the blue covers of his bed, fully dressed. He must've dressed me while I was passed out. I wished with everything in me that I could feel embarrassment, but I've been too widely exposed to care. Sad, isn't it?

"Lilly? Thank God you're awake!" He exclaimed. I open my eyes again to look in his direction, but immediately look away due to the searing pain in my head. He must've noticed this move because he was at my side very fast. I felt his lips press to my forehead then pull away, taking all the pain with him. "What happened?" he softly asked me. I don't know how to answer that; I can't answer that.

"Joe, get my purse please," I whisper, careful not to strain myself by talking to loud. He quickly got up, retrieved my purse, and then returned to my side. I reach in the depths of the purse and pull out my cigarettes and a lighter. I watch his face scrunch up as I light it up.

"Why do you smoke Lilly?" He asked me seriously. I took a drag of my cancer stick and stared him in the face for a good, long time. "For the same reason I do this," I finally reply, rolling my sleeves up. I hold the cig in my mouth and hold my wrists up so he can see them. For once, I knew I was crying, it must've been very violent sobs. I watched him stare in horror at my wrists, and then his expression softened. He grabbed my left hand and pulled it up to his face. He pressed his lips to a scar, then another, then the rest of them; then he did the same to my right arm and pulled my sleeves back down. He started to pull me into a hug but I shoved him away.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME JOE!" I screamed unwillingly, unable to control myself for much longer. "What? Lilly…" I shook my head, "NO! JOE SERIOUSLY, CAN'T YOU SEE? I'M A MESS, A FUCKING NIGHTMARE! I AM A LOST FUCKING CAUSE, THERE'S NO HOPE FOR ME. I'M FUCKED JOE, YOU'D BE WISE TO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME." I felt my body lose control completely to the sobs that wrack my body.

He stared at me then said nine words I will never, ever forget: "I'll never leave you, I want to save you."

I don't remember much after, just collapsing for the third time that day, but into my saviors arms this time.

**XoXo**

The word 'boyfriend' sounds weird to me, seeing how I never truly had anything besides a fuck-buddy, but that's what Joe called himself for me so I go along with it. He's my boyfriend, I'm his girlfriend, but somehow it doesn't seem enough.

I can't explain it, but I have feelings for Joe I've never had for any other male figure to come into my life. My body doesn't recognize the emotion, but I'm assuming it must be good because my body is not rejecting it. Miley gave me a suggestion but I'm having a hard time registering it; I love Joe. What is love? My definition is simply a strong emotion shared between two people who want nothing more than their partner's every affection. That sounds close to how I feel about Joe, but even so I could never say anything; I don't know if he feels the same about me.

"You love him," My best friend said to me, reminding me for the thousandth time today, as we sat on her couch. "I don't know what love is Miles, not yet." She shakes her head, "You love him Lillian Marie." I sigh. "I do," I whisper, admitting it for the first time well, ever. Miley turned her head to stare at me, mouth wide open, and let out the biggest squeal. "My best friend's in LOVE! Ah! We need to celebrate! Want to get drunk tonight; my dad's going out of town?" I smile at her excitement and nod my head, "Sound's good, I don't want to be alone anyways." She might as well be jumping up and down, "I'm so happy for you, it's about time you have someone good in your life…well besides me, hah, well bring Joe tonight! Tell him tonight!" she nearly screamed. I shook my head, "Joe can't do anything tonight, family stuff." I watch disappointment replace the excitement in her eyes. "Aw, man." I smile at her.

I love him; I'm in love with Joseph Adam.

**XoXo**

We got drunk that night, and I woke up to my cell phone blaring in my ear. "What the fuck?" Miley mumbled before rolling over and shoving her head under her pillow. It was Joe. "Hello?" I whisper before quietly slipping out of Miley's room into the bathroom.

"Hey baby, did I wake you?" He asked, a little louder than I would have wanted.  
"Yeah, but it's alright. What's up?"  
"Today starts the first day of recovery."  
"What?"  
"If I'm going to save you, we have to start somewhere love."  
"Joe, not today, I'm very hung over and-"  
"Looks like you need me now more than ever." I could basically hear the smile in his voice.  
"Ugh, fine. How could I say no to that?"  
"You can't. I'll see you later on baby."

He hung up the phone and I couldn't help but smile. Even looking in the mirror at my reflection couldn't make me want to slit my wrists today.

My _savoir_. I i'm really beginning to truly like the sound of that.

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Anyone else wish they had a guy like Joe? Review(:


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary:** She's living in a world of sex, drugs, depression, self harm, and more just trying to get by. There's only one person who can save her from this life...and from herself. Can he? Loe.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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The world is nothing but a curse; well my world at least. Nothing good can happen to me without something bad happening right after. That's what I thought the second Blake Goodman showed up at my best friend's door. His bright blue eyes pierced mine with such electricity that I thought I may pass out on the spot. He smiles a dazzling smile at me.

"Hey Lilly, thought I might be able to find you here," he spoke to me with such a softness I never heard. It was downright eerie.

"Yeah. Can I help you?" I reply curtly, my tone bringing another smile to his face.

"Well Truscott, haven't seen you in a while. What's going on?" As soon as he asked I knew he already knew. He already knew about Joe. I felt my heart rate speed up and my scars burning, as they did when I felt any emotion.

"Nothing is going on Blake," I lied, surprised at how steady my voice was. Oh wait, I've been through this before.

Without another word, I was knocked to the floor by his heavy body, crushing me beneath him in the process. I tried to scream but I was lost for breath, I realized then the searing pain in my stomach.

"You fucking whore, what the fuck did I tell you about seeing other guys you slut? Huh!? WHAT THE FUCK DID I TELL YOU!?" He has rage in his eyes like I've never seen. For once in a long time, I am actually afraid of Blake Goodman.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I manage to breathe out, my voice raspy under his body crushing mine.

He slaps me across the face; I know a bright red hand mark is forming. "Don't play fucking stupid, I know you're seeing that fucking pussy Joe. What the fuck did I tell you Truscott? You don't go fucking other guys while you're fucking me!" He then punches me in the jaw; broken. I let out just a little whimper of pain.

"I-I'm sorry Blake, please stop," I mentally kick myself for begging at Blake Goodman, but it seems like the only way.

"Fuck that you slut! Fuck you. You're fucking dead," he screamed into my face. Fuck, Miley wake up! Why does she have to be such a goddamn heavy sleeper?

"Please Blake, he's just my boyfriend, we haven't fucked," I managed to say, it was more like beg, but knowing it won't work with Blake.

"I don't fucking care if you fucked or not you fucking skank, you don't fucking go around being with fucking other guys when you're fucking Blake Goodman!" He screamed again, louder now, into my face and punches me again; black eye.

I feel the tears streaming down my face and I whisper, "I-I'm sorry." Unconsciousness is starting to plague me; I see black circles clouding all around my vision. I feel Blake throw another punch to my other eye; hear someone screaming, another person yelling, and the weight being lifted off my body. Then I blacked out; slipped into the nothingness that is my life.

**XoXo**

I woke up with the features of my face throbbing. The memories of what happened came flowing back like a flood of my mind; bringing the pain and hurt back with them. I winced but accepted the pain. It'll be the most pain I can get while in a hospital. I realize that is where I am. I sigh as a nurse makes her appearance into my room.

"Oh good, you're awake," something about the way she smiled made me feel that everything was alright, "I'm Anita Bowman and I'll be your nurse."

"What happened?" I whispered to her through the pain when I spoke. Of course I already knew what happened; I just wanted to hear it again.

I notice her face become less bright, as if she feels my pain, and she tells me the story, "Well all I've heard is that you were at your best friends house, who is worried sick about you by the way, and some boy came over and beat you to unconsciousness. Then your best friend found you just when another boy came over. The second boy pulled the first boy off of you and knocked him out. Then they brought you here."

So the screaming was Miley walking downstairs to find Blake Goodman on top of me, blood gushing down my face. The yelling was Joe's anger as he ripped Blake off of me and fucked him up. I felt a warm rush of…something run through my body. Then something hit me. Of all the promises I've been made by a guy, only one has been kept; Joe's to be my savior. I never really believed it completely, but if Joe could save me from Satan's Spawn, then maybe he could save me from myself. Then I realize I really am one-hundred percent in love with Joe.

Then I remember what the nurse said about Miley being worried sick. I smile a weak smile as I picture Miles driving the hospital staff insane. "Excuse me Nurse Bowman?" She turns to look at me, "Yes dear?" and gives me a big, warm smile. "I was wondering, is Miley here?" She rolled her eyes and said, "Oh yeah, she's here alright. She's been driving us all absolutely up the wall. You've got a true friend there." I let out a small laugh. "The other boy, Joe I think his name is, is here as well. I can send them in for you if you'd like." I nodded a little too quickly and immediately winced.

Nurse Bowman frowned at me and left the room to send Miley and Joe in. What seemed like a few seconds later Miley burst into the room and flung herself onto me for a big hug.

"Lilly! Oh my fucking God! I was SO worried, and this damn hospital staff is no help. They were all, 'I don't know when she's going to wake up miss. It's always unknown with coma patients' blah blah blah. Anyways how are you babe?!" She babbled on. I was smiling up until she said the word coma. Coma? I saw Joe come hurrying in and lift Miley off of me. I was still speechless.

"Cool it Miley, you're going to hurt her," Joe scolded my best friend. I barely saw her pout because my mind was wandering in five thousand different directions. Coma? How long? Why?

"Coma…?" I whispered out loud. The two stopped arguing and stared at me. "Yeah baby, he hit you pretty hard. Didn't the nurse tell you?" Joe asked me quietly. I carefully shook my head and swallowed back tears. That fucking asshole put me in a coma.

"How long?" I asked whoever was going to answer me. Miley did, "It wasn't that long, like maybe 6 days?" I saw her forehead crease in worry. "Six days?! Six fucking days?" I asked, my body aching with the raise in volume of my voice. They both took steps toward me.

"Don't worry Lils; he hit you on your head really really hard, multiple times too. I swear if I ever get my hands on that prick I'm going to ram into him with my car!" Miley said angrily. I know I've said it enough, but I love my best friend.

"Well we're definitely taking him to court, my dad's brother is one of the best lawyers in the state of California and we're going to get Blake Goodman's ass locked up," Joe announced to the room.

Once my mind got past the whole being in a coma for six days thing, new realization came over me; how the fuck am I going to survive. For the past almost two years I've been living off Blake Goodman's money, now how am I going to live, or keep my house, or do anything? I'll probably get forced into some foster care home once the hospital realizes I have no family when they don't come visit me. What if the hospital examined me and saw the cuts on my arms, or the cigarettes in my purse? I thank God I didn't have alcohol or and drug possession on me. The tears fell freely now.

"Lilly? What the matter?" Joe asked me as Miley sat next to me and wiped away my tears as they fell. I wonder if Miley knows the full story or not. Oh well, whether she does or doesn't, she's about to hear it now.

"How the fuck am I going to survive now? I have no way to get good money anymore. And when the hospital realizes that I have no family, seeing how they didn't come visit me, I'm probably going to be kicked to some foster family." I whispered as the tears fell harder.

"No good money? Lils what do you mean?" Miley asked me, heavy concern lining her voice and her eyes.

"I haven't been completely honest with you Miley…when my idiot father left me alone I had no money, no way to survive. I asked Blake to get me a good-paying job, and it ended up being his personal prostitute. I'm so sorry," I spilled that part of my secret to her and watched her face scrunch up in horror.

"OOH! THAT FUCKER! HIS FUCKING ASS IS GETTING BEAT EVEN MORE NOW! NOBODY, AND I REPEAT, NOBODY TAKES ADVANTAGE OF MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND!" Miley screamed at the top of her lungs. "Miley, shut up! Do you want us to get kicked out?!" Joe hissed at her angrily.

Miley took a few deep breaths. "Lilly," she asked me sadly, "Why didn't you tell me? My family could have helped you no problem." I shook my head, "I couldn't have ever asked your family to do that for me. You guys already did so much for me. Letting me stay the night almost everyday when my dad was still around, paying for my hospital bills when he beat me, giving me food, and everything else."

Tears were falling down my best friend's face now which sent a large amount of pain through my body. I absolutely hate seeing Miley hurt. "I'm so sorry Miley," I whisper as tears fall harder down both of our cheeks, and my scars burn with the itch I desperately need to scratch.

"No, it's not that Lilly, I just don't like the idea of my best friend being so lost, even more lost that I thought," she whispered back to me. We hugged each other for a long time before Joe spoke.

"Oh and Lilly baby, you're not going to be sent to any foster home. Your best friend took care of that already," he whispered and smiled at Miley. "What do you mean," I asked them confused.

"I knew the hospital would be suspicious of you not having a single family member visiting you, so my dad has been lying to them and telling them that he's your dad," Miley told me, I could tell she was proud of herself. I started sobbing now.

"See Miles, you do so much for me and I can't even repay you," I felt horrible. My body was aching so badly now with the sobs that I could barely handle it. Miley shook her head and whispered, "I know you'd do the same for me Lilly." We both knew that was the honest to God truth.

**XoXo**

Miley's dad showed up at the hospital about an hour later and signed the papers to get me discharged from the hospital and hour later from that.

"Thank you so much Robbie, I don't even know how I could ever repay you…" I said to my only father-figure I've ever had. "No need Lilly, honestly, you're like my own kid, I'd do anything for you," he responded and pulled me to his side for a hug.

"Hey Lils, how about you stay over for the rest of the week, the doctor said we'd need to keep an eye on you anyways," Miley suggested. I nodded my head, "Okay, thank you so much." They smiled at me in response.

Robbie allowed Joe to come over and stay as long as his parents allowed him to. Once Joe explained MOST of the situation, his parents gave him until whenever he needed. He wouldn't let me leave his side all night.

I held off on the cutting, it took everything in me but I did it. I knew that if I cut myself tonight that it'd be too deep to avoid the hospital, and I did not want to go back there. Plus, Joe and Miley's family were keeping me whole.

Two in the morning is about when I finally felt myself drifting into sleep. Two in the morning is about when I heard the knock on Miley's front door; a knock that would change my life forever.

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Oh the suspense. I really should update faster.

Review?(:


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary:** She's living in a world of sex, drugs, depression, self harm, and more just trying to get by. There's only one person who can save her from this life...and from herself. Can he? Loe.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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As soon as I opened the door I instantly regretted it; I instantly felt sick to my stomach. My heart froze in mid-beat and I started violently shaking; hyperventilation not far behind. I let out a low scream, however loud enough for the rest of the room to hear me, and tried with all my strength not to drop to my knees and give in to the blackness clouding my eyes.

My estranged father was on my best friend's door step.

In an instant Joe and Miley were by my side, Miley yelling for her father to get in here. I was only vaguely aware of what exactly was going on; my mind was too busy being flooded with old, painful memories. Oh God how they hurt like hell. Joe, who had no idea who the man before him was, was holding me steady and trying his hardest to calm me down. Robbie finally came running into the room by my side, he saw the scene in front of him, and his face turned hard and icy; just like his daughters.

"What the hell do you want?" Robbie asked through clenched teeth. I noticed Miley instinctively move a little in front of me, "Joe get Lilly over to the couch please," she commanded my very confused boyfriend. He obeyed and before I knew it I was lying on the couch, breathing hard and uncontrollably.

"I'm here to see my daughter," he replied smoothly. I felt as if I was about to throw up. I could basically hear the smile on his face through his voice. The thought of his piercing blue eyes that are so much like mine, but hold something so much different inside them, and his smile actually made me throw up. Fuck.

"I think we both know the answer to that, John. I think you'd better leave," Robbie demanded of the man who ruined my life. I knew immediately that would never work, not with my father.

"Listen, Robbie (he said his name with such venom), she's my fucking daughter so how bout you have pretty boy bring her back here or I will welcome myself in," he demanded of my second father. "No, and you're definitely not coming in," Robbie answered back. I heard the deep, cold laugh that had taken so long to store in the back of my mind.

"Go somewhere bitch, this is between me and your daddy now," my father spit at my best friend. I knew Miley wouldn't have moved an inch, but Robbie pushed her back and she unwillingly joined me on the couch, squeezing my hand and whispering how it was okay.

"Don't you dare talk to my daughter like that," Robbie said so low that I barely heard him. "Watch me big guy," daddy dearest replied. "I'm about to do something I should've done a long time ago when you fucked up that little girls life Truscott," Robbie threatened, I heard him take a step forward. "Bring it the fuck on Stewart," my father challenged straight back.

Robbie never knew my father like me. I couldn't let them fight, my father wasn't afraid to do something drastic like kill him. I couldn't lose Robbie, and I couldn't let my best friend lose her father more importantly. It took as much strength as I had in my body, but I stood up and spoke.

"STOP IT! Don't you fucking touch him dad," I managed to choke out although the words still quivered due to my violent shaking. "Hey Lillypad, my have you…grown," his lips said while his eyes roamed my body. Much to my dissatisfaction, I shuddered; badly.

"Lilly lay back down, my dad has this under control," Miley said gently, but firmly, as she lightly tugged on my arm. As much as I wanted to listen to my best friend right then, I knew I couldn't. This could be a matter of life or death for one of the only men in my life who had ever mattered.

I took a step forward, concentrating on keeping my balance. "I'm here dad, I'm fucking here. Now what the fuck do you want?" I said, the confidence in the words surprising myself. He smiled the wicked smile. "Can't a father ever visit his BEATIFUL daughter?" He asked. I heard the seduction in his voice, especially accented on the word beautiful. Another shudder ripped through my body. "Not you. What do you really fucking want?" I demanded of him again.

"Well honestly, my cock has been twitching for you. I've fucked a TON of women since I ditched your pathetic ass, but none of them felt quite like you did writhing under me," He said the words as if they were nothing; as if no one else was in the room but himself. I dropped to one knee, and clutched the couch for support. "You're fucking twisted and fucking sick!" Miley screamed as loud as she could in disgust at my lovely father as she rushed to my side, helping me up. I remembered Joe was in the room, and that was what started the tears; my boyfriend had to hear this. I looked at his face; confusion, lividness, fear, sadness….

Robbie's booming voice interrupted my thoughts, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE JOHN TRUSCOTT, NEVER COME BACK, AND STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTERS!" The tears came harder as I heard what Robbie said; he truly thought of me as his own. "Hey man, I fucked the girl and made this waste of space, she's definitely got MY half of the chromosomes not your dirty hillbilly trash's," he replied cooly. That did it for Robbie.

It happened in the blink of an eye; I remember a lot of screaming, a lot of punching noises, and an unbearable pain in my side. I blacked out immediately.

I woke up again in a white room, which at first I thought was the hospital. But after a better look around, I was convinced I was elsewhere. I was convinced I was in heaven; dead. John Truscott, my father, had stabbed me in my side.

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Damn. Poor Lilly, poor everyone, she can't really be dead!? Can she…?

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	9. Chapter 9

**Summary:** She's living in a world of sex, drugs, depression, self harm, and more just trying to get by. There's only one person who can save her from this life...and from herself. Can he? Loe.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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Tears fell down my cheeks as I realized my fate; dead at only the tender age of sixteen years old. The single tears turned into sobs that wracked my body; there is so much I left behind, so much I didn't do. Miley ran through my mind, my best friend, and her father. Joe ran through my mind, my only true love I ever felt. Hell, Blake even ran through my mind, as terrible as he is.

Then I begin to regret. I regret ever getting into drugs, smoking, and alcohol to help me feel alive. I regret having stupid, unemotionally related sex just to help me STAY alive. However mostly, I begin to regret the self harm I inflicted on myself. There were so many better opportunities that I could have chosen to help me, but I had to be the fuck up. Why couldn't I have just done one fucking thing right during my life? My God.

Suddenly I felt a blow to my chest, and a particular painful one at that. Fresh tears started streaming down my face- death was supposed to take away my pain, not continue it. More and more blows kept coming and I began to wonder if I was in Hell. I probably deserve it anyways. Then my eyes open.

"LILLY! Oh my fucking God, thank the Lord!"  
"Lilly, baby, can you hear me? I thought I lost you. Oh my God."  
"Lilly, kiddo, thank God. Can you hear me?"

I heard these three familiar voices and a few more all at once as soon as my eyes opened. I wasn't dead, that was all a…dream? Well regardless what it was, I was alive. As terrible as it sounds, there was a part of me that was disappointed that I survived…

I try to speak, but my throat is so dry and my body so sore that it hurts. I look around as best as I can and realize I'm on a hospital stretcher, a defibrillator plus several doctors huddled around me; oh, so that is what the blows were. I let out a groan.

"Ms. Truscott, try to avoid from speaking right now. You're very lucky to be alive, you lost so much blood," I heard a man, assumed to be a doctor, say to me. I couldn't reply even if I wanted to.

"Lils, I s-seriously don't know w-what the fuck I would ever d-do if I lost you baby girl," I heard my best friend's voice through her sobs, and I felt tears roll down my own cheeks. I wish I could answer her.

"Lilly, I love you so much, thank you so much for holding on, for not leaving me," I heard Joe's voice ring through my ears, making my tears fall harder. I wish I could answer him.

"Lilly, I'm so sorry for this, and I'm so happy you're alright. Don't worry though, I took care of that motherfucking bastard. Nobody touches my daughters," the whisper of my second, and as far as I'm concerned, only father's voice said. I tried to laugh but apparently the only thing my body could do was cry.

"When do you think she'll be able to talk or move, Doc?" Miley asked the Doctor who had spoken to me.

"I'm not exactly sure. Her body is very weak and obviously sore from the wound and all the blood loss. She'll be exhausted, in pain, and in need of medical attention for a while. But she will definitely be alright," the doctor responded.

I needed to do this, for them, after all these three most important people in my life have done for me. Ignoring the searing pain, I clutched my side with one hand, my head in the other and propped myself up on my elbow.

"Miles…Joe…Dad," I croaked out in such a dull whisper that I didn't expect them to hear it. But they did.

Three voices screamed "LILLY!" and rushed to my side immediately. Through all the pain I whispered again, "Thank you." Before I passed out from exhaustion; the doctor wasn't kidding.

XoXo

When I woke up, I was again faced with the vaguely familiar scenery of the hospital room I was confined to. I tried to sit up, but the blood rushing through my skull made me too dizzy to see straight.

"Try not to move so quickly hun," a soft voice came from besides me. It made me jump. The voice chuckled and said, "Sorry about that. You're still going to be tired and feel dizzy and/or nauseous, so refrain from any sudden movement." Oh, it was a nurse.

The familiar feeling of numbness washed over me, I felt the urge for a razor pulse through my thoughts. Then I remembered my, what I'm referring to as, epiphany. I didn't need the drugs, the alcohol, the cigarettes, the sex, or the blade to be happy. I had my best friend, my father figure, and the love of my life.

"Hey," a second voice rang throughout the room, this one however, more familiar. I swallowed the taste of blood from my throat and tried to answer, "Joe?" My voice was raspy and forced; it hurt.

"I love you," He whispered into my ear before kissing my forehead.

"I love you too Joseph Adam, so much," I forced myself to say. I felt him smile against my forehead.

"I'm going to be here for you forever baby, you'll never feel what you've felt again, I'll be your crying shoulder from here on, I swear it," he said to me. For the first time in my life, I felt trust in a guy, I believed Joe.

"You're not only that Joe, you saved me. You're my savior," I whispered back then used all my strength to crash his lips onto mine for the most passionate kiss I have ever felt in my life. "And you're my life," was his only response.

Miley and my 'father' walked into the room a few moments later. Tears poured down all of our cheeks as I told my story- the WHOLE story- finally to the people I love. A weight was lifted off my chest, I was glad to finally reveal the truth.

A new feeling washed over me, I didn't know what it was until I got out of the hospital and continued on with my new life, leaving my past behind me; happiness, and never again did I touch a drug or abuse alcohol, or even use a blade. I was cured; I was saved.

**THE END.**

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Well, he did it. He saved her. Awwe!

New story time!? Ooooh yeah. Stay tuned :D


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